Since I had so much fun making the first one (here), and everyone seemed to enjoy it, I thought I'd take another stab at writing a sequel -- this one based on New Moon (or in this case, New MatsuMoon). I hope you guys enjoy it. I had a harder time making this one funny, but I hope it was cute and nice. Also, I totally recommend checking out Kytana's Arashi/Twilight parody mix-up. It's very cute and awesome, too! Plus, she gave me the ideas to write these in a first place.
Disclaimer: I niether own Twilight, or Arashi (although I'd LIKE to own Arashi).
Arashi Twilight Fail – THE SEQUEL
New MatsuMoon
Ohno: Nino?
Nino: Yeah?
Ohno: Have you noticed Matsumoto’s eyebrows lately?
Nino: Shh! Don’t let him hear you talking about them. You know he’s very sensitive about it.
Ohno: That’s the thing. I’m worried. Have you noticed how much hairier they’re getting?
Nino: Yeah. Maybe he missed his threading appointment or something.
Ohno: No, I think it’s something more. I think that he’s-
[Enter Aiba]
Aiba: Hey, guys! Do you have a dog running around in here? There’s been a lot of shedding on the studio furniture lately.
Nino: Probably just Shimura zoo creatures shedding on you, Aiba, and you bringing it here.
Aiba (scowls): I’ll have you know, I wear a jump suit as protection from the shedding, and the peeing, and the pooping–
Ohno (impatiently): ANY WAY, guys! Why I’m trying to say here is that that I think Matsumoto is becoming-
[Enter Sho]
Sho: Hey, Aiba. Are wolves native to Japan?
Aiba: I don’t think so… Why do you ask?
Sho: Last night when I was about to go to bed, I thought I heard –
Ohno (furious already, bursts): I THINK MATSUMOTO IS TURNING INTO A WEREWOLF!
[everyone blinks and stares]
Sho: …and?
Ohno (blinks): You don’t seem very surprised.
Jun (from behind Ohno, sounding bored, but really very pissed): It’s so cheering to hear your band members questioning your humanity.
[Ohno is struck and horrified by his appearance]
[Jun scratches his head]
Jun (upset and trying not to show it): Well, anyway, later guys.
Ohno: Oh… no! What have I done?
Nino: You didn’t sound very surprised, Sho-kun.
Sho: Well, I wouldn’t be. I’m a vampire, remember?
[Sho flashes his shiny, pointy teeth]
[Everyone just laughs, not believing in him]
Sho (a little upset): What? Well I am.
Aiba: No offense, Sho – but I don’t think any writer could have dreamed up a vampire with so much fail.
Nino: Aiba’s right, Sho. Vampires are way too cool for you to even consider being one.
[Ohno nods]
Sho (frowns, sarcastically): Thanks, guys.
Aiba (glomps): It’s okay, Sho. We still love you.
Sho (under his breath, whining): But I really am a vampire…
Nino: Any way, here’s the question – how can we get on Jun’s good side now? Even though he seemed calm, he was actually really pissed.
Ohno (upset): I know. I didn’t mean it – it’s just that, well… I really DID think he was a werewolf. The bushy eyebrows, and the shedding, and howling-
Nino: The HOWLING?
Ohno: Well, he was in the bathroom, and next thing I know, I hear him howl…
Sho (goes pale): I think I remember hearing it too. I thought it was… an animal outside.
Nino: But they’re got to be a reasonable explanation for this. Like maybe he stubbed his toe in the shower? Remember Aiba and the glitters, and how we thought he'd turned into a Twilight vampire?
Aiba (nods): Yep. (scowls) I’m never using glitter again!
Ohno: -except for when it’s on our con outfits!
Aiba (nods): Except for our con outfits.
Sho (giving a small smile): Right.
Ohno: So now what do we do – about MatsuJun’s bad mood, I mean.
Nino: Now… we plot.
[plotting]
Aiba (approaches Jun): Heeey, Jun-kun?
Jun (looks up from his newspaper, cranky): What?
Aiba: Have you seen my razor? I seem to be getting a bit hairier than usual lately.
Jun (blinks). What are you talking about?
Aiba: You know, the usual… I just feel so dog-gone hairy lately.
Jun (tentatively): Then maybe you should get a hair cut?
Aiba (starts, the idea just hit him, and gets excited): Hey! You’re right! Thanks for the idea Jun, you’re the best.
(Aiba turns to leave… then at the last second, turns around and glomps Jun)
Aiba: Thanks! Bye! (runs away before Jun can catch him).
Jun (mutters something under his breath)
[Enter Sho]
Jun (mutters): Oh, great.
Sho: Hey, Jun! Did you recently hear a wolf howling outside your window last night?
Jun (freezes): What? Oh. (Sarcastically) I see what you mean. “Jun is a werewolf”. Very funny, Sho. I’m sure you guys had a real ball with that one.
Sho (plops down on the couch beside Jun, pouting): Aw, I’m sure Ohno didn’t mean it that way. He was worried for you. I think all the sun exposure in fishing must have addled and fried his brains a little. He wasn’t thinking straight. Besides. I wouldn’t mind if you were a werewolf.
Jun (freezes again): You… wouldn’t?
Sho (shakes his head and smiles): Nope! And neither would the other guys. It wouldn’t change who you are, inside.
(Jun starts to smile at that)
Sho (continues, happily): You’d still be the same, sadistic, DoS Hime Princess of Arashi that always wears nail polish and hair extensions-
(Jun, furious, gets up off his chair and smacks Sho on the head with his newspaper before walking away)
Sho (calls out after him): See what I mean?
[Sho returns to Nino, rubbing his head]
Sho: Our plan failed, by the way.
Nino (looks up from playing his Nintendo DS] What?
Sho: Jun. He’s still mighty pissed.
Nino: Oh. Well of course he’d be pissed. You guys called him a werewolf.
Sho (scowls): Yeah, duh. That’s why we came up with a plan - to make him feel better about being hairy, and being called a werewolf. That’s why Aiba and I talked to him, right?
Nino (distracted, playing the game): Huh? Oh, no. I just gave you guys something to do, so you’d leave me alone and I could finish my game. And hey: it worked!
Sho (scowls): Great. Thanks to your “plan”, Jun hit me in the head with a newspaper.
Nino (looks up): Did he? (laughs)
Sho: You brat!
[Enter Aiba]
Aiba: Hey! What are you guys talking about?
Sho: The plan. It failed.
Nino: Is Ohno still in hiding?
Sho: Yeah. He’s afraid of what Jun might say or do if he saw him.
Aiba: You know, he might just be using Jun as an excuse to go fishing.
Sho: No, Ohno seemed genuinely upset over it. He said he couldn’t even think of fishing because Jun was that angry with him.
Aiba: Oh…
Nino: Can you guys keep it down? I’m trying to beat level 15 here, and the monster is kicking my -- arggh!! I just died. (Puts away his DS game) Okay, now what’s up, again?
Sho: Ohno. He’s in hiding from Jun. And Jun’s still pissed.
Nino: Well, first things first. Let’s find Ohno. And then we’ll take care of Jun.
Sho and Aiba: Yosh!
[Later]
[Sho, Aiba, and Nino are trying to drag Ohno out of a closet]
Nino: You can’t stay in there all your life, Ohno.
Ohno: I can and I will. (clinging to the closet doorway)
Aiba: What about cons?
Sho: What about fishing?
Ohno (gets a longing look in his eyes): I guess I can… always just read fishing magazines for the rest of my life.
Nino (annoyed): You’re being so melodramatic. It’s just Jun.
(The rest stare at him like he’s stupid).
Nino: Then again, you guys are right. He’s Jun.
Ohno: You see? See what I mean? And why I can go back? I know! I’ll live like a hermit. Yeah… or a Buddhist monk. Where do hermits live anyway?
Sho: The woods. (Teasingly) With the wolves .
Nino (shoots him a dirty look, mutters to Sho): Not helping…
Aiba: Uh… guys? I hear footsteps.
Ohno: Oh no! It’s Jun!
(Ohno dives back in the closet)
Jun: Hey guys.
Nino (tentatively): Hey… Jun. Wow, you seem to be in a better mood.
Jun: Yep. I had a lot to think about today.
Sho (gives a deep bow): We are truly sorry if we made you feel bad, and called out a werewolf.
(Nino drags Ohno out from the closet, who comes and bows deeply to Jun)
Ohno: Yes. And I’m also truly sorry, Jun, for thinking that in the first place.
Jun (gives a small smile): That’s okay. I really had a lot to think about, about what Sho said to me today. About how you guys wouldn’t care if I really was a werewolf. Well - that meant a lot to me.
Sho (taken aback): Oh. Well… Glad I could help.
Jun: About how you guys accept me for who I am - although, yes, the speech as a bit rude (he gives a quirky smile). All is forgiven. So… I guess I can finally tell you guys.
Nino: Tell us what?
Jun (takes a deep breath): I really am a werewolf.
(Big pause of silence. Everyone except Jun and Sho starts laughing)
Aiba (laughing): That’s SO funny, Jun! I didn’t realize how funny you were.
Nino (laughing): Yeah! This is even better than my Ni No Arashi pranks segment. That’s classic, Jun! Really.
Ohno (laughing): Okay, you got me! You really did. I am sorry for accusing you… and thank you for taking it with a bit humor!
Jun (confused, and a bit helplessly): But I - I really…
(Sho puts a hand on his shoulder)
Sho (wisely): It's okay. Trust me.
THE END
Ruff!
[After the credits]
[Jun and Sho having coffee… chatting]
Sho: So, Jun, what kind of wolf do you turn into anyway?
Jun (embarrassed): Well… it’s more of type of dog.
Sho: Oh, well that’s cool. What kind?
Jun: A poodle.
The REAL End!
Aiba: Hey, guys! I found a poodle!
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